in the summer of `08 my whole family went to mexico for my little cousin's sweet 16. we stayed at the iberostar paraiso lindo for a week....... all inclusive = hammer time.
shit was GRRREAT.. all my drunk ass cousins in the pool yelling & shit.. i swear we were the loudest family there smh.. dinners.. dancing... karaoke.. partying & bullshit
we'd go to the lil club there that played the same songs in the same exact order every night... this consisted of: lollipop//wayne, dirrty//xtina, two step//unk, t-pain, jim jones, e-40, dont stop the music//rihanna, & of course..... the cupid shuffle... which would be performed by all the crunk dancing mexicans that work there aka "the iberostar friends"
well one day my cousin veronica wasn't really feeling well.. so when we get to the club.. instead of gettin her usual fix of Caipirinhas... she starts taking madd shots... of... tequila?!?!!? im like wtf i thought u were sick & said u weren't gonna drink ?? smh i took a few wit her but stayed on the longer road to manglation city wit beers & mixed drinks..
anyways everytime we were at the club (did i mention the club was decked out with star wars shit including life sized troopers?)... we'd chill wit these kids from staten island cuz they were STUPID as hell.. we would all be doin dumbass dances in the middle of the floor and shit.. no one else was as crazy as all us... we are all FUCKED UP.. all these kids are on some fuckin E pills & who the fuck knows what other shit.. i cant even remember wat they told us.. so the mexis kick us out the club as usual at close.. always the last ones there smh.. we all start walkin around the resorts.. we showed them ours then they showed us theirs... no not sexually.. they were stayin at a different one.. its like 3 or 5 different resorts there that are all connected.. we wanted to compare pools & shit.. we jump in with all our clothes on then get yelled at by some mexicano on a bike that was lurking in the shadows..
by this time my cuzin is completely SHITFACED... shes trying to con a bunch of security chulos to give her a ride to her room on one of their little carts.. im sitting on a pool chair jus relaxing as if the sun was out.. i look over and she is laying on the floor, circled by the ese's yelling 'PLEASEE JUS TAKE ME TO MY ROOOMMM.. ESTOY MANGLEDDD POR FAVORRRR.. ANDREA!! COME ONNNNN LETS GOOOOOO!' & me & this dude were just LAUGHING hysterically at her.. i was like hell nah im not riding wit them we can walk.. we here her yelling 'NOW NOWWWW!!' then she disappears into the night...
suddenly im awakened by little laughs.. its bright as fuck out!! im STILL on a damn beach chair.. one of the kids is passed out next to me & hes wakin up too.. we look at eachother like WAT THE FUCK *remy voice*... then get up pick up some of our shit off the floor & start walking.. first of all since im at the other resort.. i have NO CLUE which way i was sposed to go.. i hadda take a damn hike to get back to my room.. same slutty clothes as the night before.. lookin like a straight ASSHOLE...got bug bites the size of silver fuckin dollars... the most genuine walk of shame
finally a find my room.. all i wanna do is know what time it is.. take a piss.. & brush my teeth...
it's 7 a.m.
i hurry into the bathroom... & what is waiting for me there??
if you guessed a sink FULL to the top of chunky puke.. DING DING DING! unfortunately you are correct... thanks veronica. love you.
